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MLB Free Agents as Twins Christmas Gifts
What some MLB free agents are like in gift-form
It’s the holiday season — and what better way to celebrate than by looking at MLB free agents and how they’d each fit with the Minnesota Twins.
We’re going to look at them through the lens of Christmas gifts.
Note: this is solely for fun and not meant for analytical purposes.
Trevor Bauer - a Ferrari
Who wouldn’t want a Ferrari? They’re the top of the line. They’re the best of the best. But let’s be realistic — it wouldn’t be practical to have one in Minnesota.
You could also sub in a McLaren, if you wish:
George Springer - a Corvette
He’s not exactly the high-end automobile Bauer is in this exercise, so in a way, he appeals to a wider demographic. Still, he’s not exactly a necessity — but would certainly be a desirable luxury.
Kiké Hernandez - underwear
Not everyone has Hernandez, but they really should. Sure, they might have some holes, but they can be easily covered up by….
Marcus Semien - a nice pair of pants (any good shortstop, really)
I think in this instance, Jorge Polanco would be shorts? Shorts are very versatile — you can wear them in a lot of different spots and not stand out, which might be how the Twins use Polanco this season. Pants have you covered from waist to toe — which is also true for a good two-way shortstop like Semien.
Jake Odorizzi - Air Fryer
You’re not totally sure how it works but you’re glad you have one and are impressed with how prominent they’ve become in the last few years.
Liam Hendriks - PS5
He’s a really awesome luxury that you probably should have appreciated more when you were younger.
Michael Brantley - a cast-iron skillet
You’d be surprised how many ways it can be used and you’re also surprised how much you actually enjoy it once you have it.
Nelson Cruz - a really nice bottle of red wine
It gets better with age but probably won’t stick around that long.
James Paxton/Garrett Richards - a dirtbike
These are awesome but only if you don’t hurt yourself.
Brad Hand - a really nice remote-control car
This is a really awesome gift but you’re not sure how much you’ll use it or if you’ll break it.
Tommy La Stella - a Roomba
You don’t really need it but the technology has improved in recent years and it’s really nice to have for different areas of your house.
Corey Kluber - a ‘47 Franchise fitted cap
It looks a little old and worn but it fits perfectly the first time you put it on.
Jurickson Profar - Swiss-Army Knife
It might not fill your most pressing need but it can literally do anything else.
Alex Colome - a set of Friends DVDs
People tell you it’s really good but you’re not sure they’re right.
Chris Archer - Sega Classic
The nostalgia draws you in but you’re not sure it’s as good as you remember.